stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
