i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
