Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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