Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
