quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
