yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
