he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
