My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
