whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
