after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
