Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
FUCK WHALES
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
