is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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