Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
