I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
