i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
