We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
