She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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