that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
