Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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