I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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