i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
