But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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