Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize