She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
