Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
