ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
