bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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