I have demons in me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
