So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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