Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
