stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
