What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
