I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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