my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
