i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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