Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
