I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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