Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
