Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
