There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
