Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
