i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
