I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
