i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
