you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
