Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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