I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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