did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
