I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
