So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
