Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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