Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
