I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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