She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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