Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
