Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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