im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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