U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
