i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
