There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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