he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize