I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
