just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
