My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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