in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
